In our house, 'go and help daddy' roughly translates as 'bugger off from under my feet before I cave into my murderous instincts.' The notion that a toddler would be remotely interested in helping his father to more quickly and efficiently accomplish one of his many mundane chores is of course utter nonsense.
Here's what 'go and help daddy hang the washing out' looked like yesterday; both children emerge from the nearby kitchen and then...
1. Oscar (21 months) - waddle up to dad's feet; complain that the paving is too hot; engage in a semantic battle as to whether the floor is indeed 'hot', or just 'warm', or perversely 'coldy cold'; ask to be carried; climb onto bench then precarious table top (requiring full vigilance of father); climb off table then with dad's assistance dismount bench onto hot/warm floor; identify bright green bucket of clothes pegs; shake forearms with excitement; lift then empty clothes pegs onto paving stones and grass. Shake remaining petals from sunflower. Walk off.
2. Leo (4 and a bit) - loudly announce presence to garden occupants, neighbours with a series of beeping noises and commands; pirouette gently wearing only a pair of faded, baggy briefs; go back into laundry; emerge with badminton racquet; swish racquet through air like a sword; narrowly miss decapitating younger brother; identify morass of clothes pegs on floor and using racquet grind pegs into the paving, muttering something about stirring cake mixture. Walk off, beeping.
Monday 16 December 2013
Wednesday 20 March 2013
Up Not Out
Auckland City Council released its Unitary Plan for consultation last week, and it's stirred the ire of the Herald and betrayed the worst NIMBYism of, particularly, residents of the North Shore. They object to the perceived incursion of 'high rise' apartment blocks and the Herald has helpfully published mocked-up pictures of Warsaw-like suburbs.
In fact the Unitary Plan is simply proposing for building 'a little bit more up, rather than out,' and there are already 'high rise' (more than two storey) apartment blocks in Browns Bay, near the beach above the parade of cafes, and they're desirable places to live. The new Hobsonville Point development is also in great demand, yet is also built to the 'mixed housing' model that we are told that Aucklanders don't want. It's a contradiction.
The strongest objections come from people who already own their properties, not those who are struggling to buy their first home. The Government's housing minister, Nick Smith, has also steamed into the debate in the most arrogant and typically-National manner, saying they will bulldoze their planning conditions onto the region and simply build out, rather than up. This despite Auckland already being the second most-sprawling city in the world, after Los Angeles. It's as if they simply want to pave the bloody place all the way up to Kaitaia.
What most of the 'out not up' brigade fail to see is that building out is, simply put, a massive gamble on oil prices. Auckland's public transport is poor and, again because of pigheaded opposition from central Government, is unlikely to quickly improve. Government wants roads, roads, roads, more roads and is simply not interested in public transport alternatives. It's dinosaur thinking that puts all the costs on the consumer - 'small government' bullshit. By building out one condemns home owners to a long, expensive commute in a car they have to maintain and fill with increasingly-expensive petrol.
It does not take a genius to realise that going down the 'out not up' model will effectively - until public transport catches up or local job opportunities increase - create ghettos on the fringes of the city (as is happening in Melbourne), as people who can afford to drift towards the centre of town because they can no longer afford to (or do not want to) run their car over longish distances, sending the prices of housing tumbling on the outskirts. I pity the poor fuckers who are being pushed by the Government into buying a place way out in the sticks and being forced to drive everywhere. It's a small-minded way to develop New Zealand's biggest city.
In fact the Unitary Plan is simply proposing for building 'a little bit more up, rather than out,' and there are already 'high rise' (more than two storey) apartment blocks in Browns Bay, near the beach above the parade of cafes, and they're desirable places to live. The new Hobsonville Point development is also in great demand, yet is also built to the 'mixed housing' model that we are told that Aucklanders don't want. It's a contradiction.
The strongest objections come from people who already own their properties, not those who are struggling to buy their first home. The Government's housing minister, Nick Smith, has also steamed into the debate in the most arrogant and typically-National manner, saying they will bulldoze their planning conditions onto the region and simply build out, rather than up. This despite Auckland already being the second most-sprawling city in the world, after Los Angeles. It's as if they simply want to pave the bloody place all the way up to Kaitaia.
What most of the 'out not up' brigade fail to see is that building out is, simply put, a massive gamble on oil prices. Auckland's public transport is poor and, again because of pigheaded opposition from central Government, is unlikely to quickly improve. Government wants roads, roads, roads, more roads and is simply not interested in public transport alternatives. It's dinosaur thinking that puts all the costs on the consumer - 'small government' bullshit. By building out one condemns home owners to a long, expensive commute in a car they have to maintain and fill with increasingly-expensive petrol.
It does not take a genius to realise that going down the 'out not up' model will effectively - until public transport catches up or local job opportunities increase - create ghettos on the fringes of the city (as is happening in Melbourne), as people who can afford to drift towards the centre of town because they can no longer afford to (or do not want to) run their car over longish distances, sending the prices of housing tumbling on the outskirts. I pity the poor fuckers who are being pushed by the Government into buying a place way out in the sticks and being forced to drive everywhere. It's a small-minded way to develop New Zealand's biggest city.
Thursday 20 December 2012
Ninety mile hot sauce
I forgot to say that we had chicken baguettes with Ninety Mile Hot Mango and Manuka Sauce. Twas good.
Vicnic
I’m having a lovely time with my folks in NZ, and last night we had a picnic on Mount Victoria. Which was just sensational. I pointed out where all the recent volcanoes have exploded, and the direction from which the tsunami will approach.
We saw the second-biggest-Australian-cruise-ship leave Auckland, too – the Celebrity Solstice. A floating jail that charges its inmates J
Friday 9 March 2012
36 Hour Party People
I’ve just turned the ‘ripe’ (rotten) old age of 38.
In NZ, on my birthday morning, I got a big kiss from Rach and a sloppy one from Leo (or is that the other way round?), then after a bit of breakfast checked my phone and Facebook to read happy birthday wishes from friends in the UK, for whom it was still the 7th.
I then had the whole of my birthday day, complete with steak and stout, and then woke up on the morning of New Zealand’s 9th…..with MORE messages from friends, for whom it was still the 8th in the UK.
So I make that, from midnight on the 8th in New Zealand, to midnight on the 9th in the UK…..36 hours of birthday! Ker-ching!
There’s ALWAYS something happening, something to pay attention to. If I wake up in the middle of Sunday night, getting back to sleep is made no easier by the knowledge that I can follow the Saturday afternoon kick off live on the computer.
It’s exhausting!
(BTW the post title refers to this, apologies to Happy Mondays):
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